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PSYCHE! Rapture is ACTUALLY 5 Months From Now!

May 23, 2011 1 comment
File:Harold Camping 2011.jpg

Harold Camping in 2011. Photo by ChristReturns2011

But seriously you guys, THIS TIME it’s totally 100% absolutely positively gonna happen!

That’s me paraphrasing the disgraced (at least she should be) Harold Camping, the ass-dick who has bilked people of their life savings promoting the end of the world.

It was supposed to happen on Saturday, May 21. But SURPRISE! Nothing happened!

After spending a day in hiding, Camping came out today to reveal what he had done wrong (besides being an ass-dick),

Saturday was “an invisible judgment day” in which a spiritual judgment took place, he said. But the timing and the structure is the same as it has always been, he said.

“We’ve always said May 21 was the day, but we didn’t understand altogether the spiritual meaning,” he said. “May 21 is the day that Christ came and put the world under judgment.”

Ok, so he wasn’t totally wrong, he just wasn’t totally right. That’s completely understandable!

Gah! Sorry about all the sarcasm folks, but this guy is pissing me off.

Bad enough that he has ruined people’s lives with his bullshit, one woman even slit her children’s throats AND her own because of this shit, but now he is actually going to keep doing it for another 5 months!

And what is gonna happen 5 months from now when the world doesn’t end? AGAIN???

Why he’s just gonna come up with some new reason he was not totally wrong but not totally right, and he’ll have a brand new judgment day to promote.

It makes me sick to thing not only of the millions of dollars stolen from gullible-but-still-innocent people. But I think of all of Camping’s money that he has spent on this cause and how it could have been donated charity and done some ACTUAL good in the world.

So while this is not surprising, it is still infuriating. Hopefully a few of Camping’s disciples realize he is full of crap and start saying so.

So Its The End of the World…

May 20, 2011 3 comments
File:Judgment Bus New Orleans 2011.jpg

Photo by Bart Everson

As you are no doubt aware, tomorrow is the rapture.

Yes, Jesus is going to return to Earth tomorrow to take all the good people with him to heaven. This has been predicted by a multi-millionaire radio station owner named Harold Camping.

How did he make this prediction? I’ve actually seen a couple derivations from Camping on this, but an excerpt from FamilyRadio.com states:

Holy God reminds us that one day is as 1,000 years. Therefore, with the correct understanding that the seven days referred to in Genesis 7:4 can be understood as 7,000 years, we learn that when God told Noah there were seven days to escape worldwide destruction, He was also telling the world there would be exactly 7,000 years (one day is as 1,000 years) to escape the wrath of God that would come when He destroys the world on Judgment Day.

Seven thousand years after 4990 B.C. (the year of the Flood) is the year 2011 A.D. (our calendar).

4990 + 2011 – 1 = 7,000

Amazingly, May 21, 2011 is the 17th day of the 2nd month of the Biblical calendar of our day. Remember, the flood waters also began on the 17th day of the 2nd month, in the year 4990 B.C.

God is proving to us that we have very accurately learned from the Holy Bible God’s time-plan for the end of the world.

So there you have it, irrefutable proof that the world is ending tomorrow.

Sorry :(

So what will become of the sinners? Well we are going to be left behind to think about what we did…until October.

On October 21st, the world will actually be destroyed by fire.

Now, at first I thought that I might be able to escape judgment. I mean, I’m not a bad guy. I donate to charity, I’ve helped old ladies cross the street, and I’ve never murdered anyone.

But then I realized how horrible a person I really was. I eat meat on Fridays. I don’t go to Church every Sunday, and I’ve been spending the past 5 years living in sin with the love of my life.

Not only that, but I believe that homosexuals should be allowed to get married! What was I thinking?!? Camping has clearly pointed out that it is the gays who are to blame for this horrible upcoming Judgement.

Camping says God will punish America and the rest of the world for Gay Pride and same-sex marriages, just as Sodom and Gomorrah were punished with fire and brimstone in the Old Testament.

I should have known better.

So now the only question is: What am I going to do with my last night on Earth before Jesus metaphorically (or perhaps literally) bitch-slaps me?

A good question. I should probably get drunk. But then, it is May 2-4 long weekend, so that was probably going to happen anyway (for my non-Canadian readers, May 2-4 is the colloquial term for Victoria Day, a national holiday in Canada).

I could repent, but that somehow feels like giving up.

I could sell all my possessions and spend it all on strippers and drugs. But then, I might catch a nasty disease and have to spend my last few months on Earth suffering more than I should.

Well I guess I will be getting drunk. If I wake up tomorrow before Jesus arrives, I will blog again. Otherwise, this may be the last time you hear from me. Thanks for being such loyal readers!

How will you all be celebrating Judgment Day?

My Top 10 Sci-Fi/Fantasy Novels: #4 – Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

April 27, 2011 Leave a comment

#4 – Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore (2002)


It would seem that I have a soft spot for comedic-fantasy novels. Comedy can be very difficult to write and I guess I just appreciate authors who can do it well.

Christopher Moore certainly falls into that category. Most of his books are good, but this one truly blew me away.

The book follows Jesus’ life from the vantage point of his vulgar, well-meaning but not too bright buddy Biff. The book takes the point of view that Jesus was not always the well-spoken leader that he is depicted as in the Bible. He had to hone is craft, practice his healing and work on his vocabulary.

The books also follows Jesus through the ages of 12-30; years that are markedly absent from the Bible. Where did he go? What was he doing? Moore follows these misadventures with heart and hilarity.

To my surprise, the book was not as blasphemous as I thought it would be. I’m not all that religious, but I was a bit worried that the book would cause some backlash in the religious community. But Moore does a great job of making Jesus looks like a real human, but keeping the book humourous; mainly by making Biff the one who does all the blasphemous stuff. He has quite an affinity for prostitutes.

Mary Magdalene is also quite prominent in the novel. She, of course, is not a prostitute, but she grew up with Jesus and Biff. Poor Jesus truly shows how human he is in his relationship with Mary Magdalene, as he knows he cannot marry her, but still cares very much for her.

Even if you are not religious at all, you will really enjoy this book. I’d call it a Bro-mance set 2000 years ago, and it is awesome.

“Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him….”

– Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

All Entries

#10 – Watership Down

#9 – The Harry Potter Series

#8 – The Wheel of Time Series

#7 – The Stars My Destination

#6 – To Say Nothing of the Dog

#5 – Doomsday Book

#4 – Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

#3 – The Farseer Trilogy

#2 – Flowers for Algernon

#1 – The Martian Chronicles

Sometimes my Mom IS right!

February 18, 2011 Leave a comment

“Don’t get a tattoo. You’ll regret it!” my mom used to say.

I had always considered getting a tattoo, but never went through with it because I could never think of something that would alway seem cool or be relevant to me. (Maybe Maxwell’s equations, that would be pretty nerdy-cool right?)

I was reminded of this from something that PZ Myers posted this on his blog today, and I just had to share it.

PZ points out the problem with the tattoo this wrestler got.

leviticustat.jpeg

The tattoo reads: "And thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman, for it is an abomination. Lev 18:22"

People often use this verse from Leviticus to defend their hatred of homosexuals. However, PZ Myers suggests a tattoo for his left arm:

Lev 19:28 And ye shall not make cuttings in your body for a dead body, and ye shall not inscribe on yourselves any marks. I am the Lord your God.

I have another suggestion for a tattoo, possibly he could put it on his forehead:

hy·poc·ri·sy [hi-pok-ruh-see]

–noun, plural -sies.

1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.


Remains of John the Baptist Found? Unlikely…

August 12, 2010 Leave a comment

A little less than a week ago, Bozhidar Dimitrov, Bulgaria’s minister without portfolio and a former director of the country’s National History Museum, announced that the remains of St. John the Baptist (JTB) have been found in monastery in Bulgaria.

St. John is a prolific figure in Christian history. He foretold the coming of Jesus and even baptised Jesus himself, according to scriptures.

John the Baptist

St. John was beheaded at the hands of King Herod shortly before Jesus is said to have died on the cross. His head supposedly served on a plate to Herod’s stepdaughter Salome.

So why do these Bulgarians think these bones, which include parts of a skull, jaw, arm and tooth, belong to THE John the Baptist?

Evidently, the urn in which the bones were found has the date June 24 inscribed on it, which is the day John was supposedly born and has been celebrated in the Mediterranean and Quebec.

Urn in which the supposed remains of John the Baptist are contained

That’s about it.

No carbon dating has been performed to determine the age of the bones, and no explanation as to how the urn came to the monastery has been given.

I personally find it interesting that the remains include pieces of a head and an arm. Seems strange that after beheading John the Baptist that King Herod would bother to put the head and body in the same place, particularly after the head was so callously served on a plate to Salome.

Of course, records from this time period are sketchy at best. And lets not forget that several other countries also claim to have the remains of John the Baptist, such as Istanbul, Egypt and Armenia.

Skeptics live by the credence that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. This evidence is far from extraordinary.

So don’t be surprised if/when this find turns out to be totally bogus. Or the Bulgarian archeaologists simply don’t bother to investigate the remains further and keep shouting to the media that they found something great.